What are you doing Penguins!!

Seriously, what in the name of sweet baby jeebus are you doing? You are all pretending to be Santa? You are fooling no one Penguins, he's in the north pole, learn your geography. You don't look a least bit like Santa, Penguins, you have no beard and he doesn't have a beak and doesn't dive into the ocean to catch fish. The elves get him all the fish he needs, they in fact get him tuna salad sandwiches. Unlike you morons, he doesn't eat raw fish. I think.

You actually look like Starfleet officers exploring a new alien planet. Are those your beaks or are you holding your phasers in your mouths? You would have to, you evolutionarily challenged varmints, your flippers are not prehensile. Why do you have flippers anyway? You are birds, Penguins, what have you done to your wings? What kind of evil experiments are you running on yourselves?

Are you doing this to enslave the reindeer and related species? We know of your plans to take over the world, Penguins, it won't work.

And what's with presenting your profile to the camera? Dammit Penguins, look straight at me when I'm talking to you! Are you trying the walk like an Egyptian thing? That's so uncool Penguins, your sense of style is outdated.

And you in the corner? WHY IS YOUR HEAD SCREWED ON BACKWARDS? Are you trying to scare me Penguin? I've seen Evil Dead when I was wearing diapers, you don't scare me. What's that? Yes, I still wear diapers, do you have a problem with that? And what about those two little balls you are wearing? Are you trying to make them look like boobs? STOP CONFUSING ME PENGUIN. Fuck off, all of you, just fuck off.