Scientists have proof that God smokes grass

A team of North American scientists have discovered compelling evidence that God smokes grass. They presented the data at a press conference in Mexico City attended by the worlds leading journalists. Their central argument hinges around the discovery of a smiley-faced amphibious albino salamander species that the scientists have named "Axolotl". The name, they said, is apt for such a ridiculous creature.

"The existence of the Axolotl is clear proof that evolution is baloney. There is no way nature can arrive at this animal without external intervention" said Dr. Richard "Cheech" Marin. "It means that God must have made the creature. Intelligent Design is also obviously not applicable here. The Axolotl shows no signs of any logical design. This proves beyond any reasonable doubt that God smoked grass and dreamed up the creature in a state of drug induced haze."

His colleague Dr. Tommy Chong had this to say "The Axolotl remains in larval state all its life, can breathe using four types of respiration - gills, skin, mouth and lungs, it can regenerate lost limbs, it can be turned into a salamander by injecting it with Harmones", he continued, "the clincher is that they come with built-in laurel wreaths. This can be explained only by a stoned God".

Scientists have supplied further proof with data about other ridiculous animals like this guy and these whacked out guys.

Jellyfish thinks it's a space ship

Your kind already think you are better than us because you are beautiful. We all know it's all trick photography and expensive lighting. And now you think you are a space ship? I know that you bear a passing resemblance to a Vorlon ship. But you have crossed the threshold this time, Jellyfish. I shall now proceed to "shoot you down" with a detailed technical rebuttal.

• Body/Hull: Is your body made of Duranium alloy? No? Diamondium or Diamondillium may be? No? How about just steel? No Jellyfish, your body is made of stupid jelly. I can poke holes in you with a toothpick. How do you plan to withstand cosmic rays and particles travelling near the speed of light? By the way, have you no sense of shame Jellyfish? I can see your insides, you translucent freak.
• Propulsion: What's your propulsion system? Can you form warp fields or travel through hyperspace or use dimensional folding? No? May be old fashioned sub-light travel with fusion reactors or particle scoops? No? You move by sucking in water and pushing it out? What kind of a weak ass propulsion system is that for a space ship? There is no water in space Jellyfish, there isn't even air. You wouldn't suck in and push out in space Jellyfish, you would just suck.
• Navigation/Sensors: How will you know what's around you Jellyfish? Can you detect all the particles, gravity wells, EM spectra and a million other things that can kill you in a nanosecond in space travel? No? That's right, you can barely even detect light. And how about calculating your trajectory? What kind of super computers do you have? You don't even have a brain Jellyfish, you don't even know that one and one is two.
• Defenses: Do you have laser guns, field disruptors, nuclear weapons? What's that? Jellyfish sting can even kill humans? I doubt that a hostile alien ship or a meteor headed your way will notice your pathetic sting Jellyfish. You are almost transparent? OK, but there are other ways of detecting you apart from visible light.
• Communications:No, you cannot communicate over hyperspace, you cannot even generate or detect microwaves. Heck, you can't even communicate with me if I held you next to my ear Jellyfish, you cannot talk! So you can communicate by releasing chemicals or flashing your bio-luminescent lights. But as usual Jellyfish, that's completely useless in space. I can drown out your light signals using my flash light, you have no chance against the sun and the stars
• Coolness Factor: OK. Fair is fair. This I'll give to you Jellyfish, some of you are bio luminescent and look cool, given the right conditions.
  

So you see Jellyfish, you are no space ship. You would positively stink as a space ship. So forget about space travel, come down to earth and have some plankton.

What are you doing Penguins!!

Seriously, what in the name of sweet baby jeebus are you doing? You are all pretending to be Santa? You are fooling no one Penguins, he's in the north pole, learn your geography. You don't look a least bit like Santa, Penguins, you have no beard and he doesn't have a beak and doesn't dive into the ocean to catch fish. The elves get him all the fish he needs, they in fact get him tuna salad sandwiches. Unlike you morons, he doesn't eat raw fish. I think.

You actually look like Starfleet officers exploring a new alien planet. Are those your beaks or are you holding your phasers in your mouths? You would have to, you evolutionarily challenged varmints, your flippers are not prehensile. Why do you have flippers anyway? You are birds, Penguins, what have you done to your wings? What kind of evil experiments are you running on yourselves?

Are you doing this to enslave the reindeer and related species? We know of your plans to take over the world, Penguins, it won't work.

And what's with presenting your profile to the camera? Dammit Penguins, look straight at me when I'm talking to you! Are you trying the walk like an Egyptian thing? That's so uncool Penguins, your sense of style is outdated.

And you in the corner? WHY IS YOUR HEAD SCREWED ON BACKWARDS? Are you trying to scare me Penguin? I've seen Evil Dead when I was wearing diapers, you don't scare me. What's that? Yes, I still wear diapers, do you have a problem with that? And what about those two little balls you are wearing? Are you trying to make them look like boobs? STOP CONFUSING ME PENGUIN. Fuck off, all of you, just fuck off.

NO.

No, UCANNOTHASCHEEZBURGER. You are fat. You are lazy. Go eat a salad sumo kitty. Better yet, go run around, catch a mouse and lose some weight. No, actually, go develop some language skills first kitty, you need that more than you need food. You think I'll do anything you say because you are fluffy and chubby and furry, with your cute widdle mouth open...think again, you gigantic fluff mountain.

Err...where did you want me to get the cheezburger from again? White Castle? Would you like a box?